Of Magic and Mayhem
by UnchartedHeart
Summary: Elly and Tifa find themselves on a journey to get Reno back after he had been kidnapped by an evil Witch, Yuffie. Who will they encounter and will the magic sword of Reno's be the key to getting him back? ReTi for The Sacred and Profane.


A/n: Here is a one-shot ( ReTi of course!) for The Sacred and Profane! Enjoy everyone!

Disclaimer: I'm tired of writing these disclaimers…are they mandatory?

* * *

"I don't understand it…" Tifa muttered to herself as she stared at the empty chair and full dinner plate where Reno, her husband usually sat. Elly, their daughter had finished eating and was playing in the field; meanwhile the brunette was worried sick over her late husband.

Reno was a farmer, and a busy one at that. He spent most of his days traveling to sell his crops. Usually, Tifa knew when he'd be home, but today was different. The redheaded farmer told his wife this morning that he'd be home in time for dinner…and he never lied. So what was going on?

Tifa stood up from her chair, picking up her petticoats as she walked over to a chair by the window. She picked up a current project on needle point and began to hum to herself while she occasionally peeked out the window.

"Mommy, mommy! There's a weird lady coming down the street on a horse!" Elly, her daughter cried out, running into the cottage. Her crimson hair was in disarray and Tifa held back a laugh as she picked up the girl and set down her needle point.

"Now Elly, what have I told you about calling people names like that! It isn't nice!" she scolded her daughter. Elly pouted for a split second before apologizing to her mother.

"I'm sorry…but she looked scary! She had this cloak on an-" BANG BANG BANG. The sound of someone slamming their fist into the door interrupted the ten year old girl. Tifa shoved Elly behind her as she hesitantly walked towards the door, opening it slowly. Behind it was a woman with blonde hair, fierce brown eyes and a black cloak.

"Are you Tifa Lockhart? The wife of Reno?" the woman asked, sneering at the little girl hiding behind the brunette. Tifa held in her fear as she swallowed loudly and nodded.

"I am…is something wrong?" she asked, her voice quivered a little.

"I'm Elena, the messenger. Here. This is from Yuffie the White Witch of Wutai." The woman replied, tossing a piece of parchment at Tifa. She opened it up and read what the letter said.

"_To whomever it may concern,_

_This is the great White Witch of Wutai, Yuffie. I have your husband because he claimed to have stumbled into my garden…my precious tomato garden. I will keep him under lock and key as punishment. Keep out of my garden!"_

_Yuffie_

Tifa dropped the letter to the floor, her brown eyes tearing up at the thought of her husband, Reno…in the clutches of such an evil woman! Who knew what she would do to Reno? The brunette looked back up at Elena, who was tapping her foot impatiently.

"Are you done yet so I can leave?" the blonde asked, snatching the letter back from Tifa. Elly tugged on her mother's skirts.

"Mommy, what's wrong…where's Daddy?" she whined, her eyes beginning to tear up as well. Elena rolled her eyes and left, slamming the door behind her. Tifa slumped to the floor in a heap of tears, Elly crawling into her mother's lap.

"Mommy, mommy, what happened?" the girl demanded, grabbing Tifa's face in her hands. Tifa stopped crying and shook her head.

"That evil Witch took your Daddy…just because he was in her tomato garden! He was probably making a delivery! Oh, what will we do, Elly…we're no match for her…" the woman whispered, wiping her eyes. Elly's brows furrowed as she crawled off the brunette's lap and ran to the back of the cottage. She returned minutes later with an old sword in her hand, dropping it on the floor right by a very confused Tifa.

"Elly…."

"Mommy, let's go get him! We can use the sword Grandpa gave him!" the girl yelled out, pointing to the glinting metal weapon on the floor next to Tifa. She sighed and picked it up slowly. Reno had shown it to her after they built the cottage together. It had magical powers when properly used. She was hesitant to use it, but Elly was right, they couldn't just sit here!

"Alright Elly, baby. Let's go get Daddy. Get changed into your work clothing and I will do the same. Then, we'll get on the road!"

* * *

They quickly changed into a pair of work pants and a peasant blouse. Tifa hooked the sword to a holster on her belt, hoping Reno wouldn't be too upset that she used it.

"Ready to go?" the little girl asked, grabbing for the door. Tifa stopped her and bent down to her daughters level.

"Yes, but Elly, this could be dangerous…you know that right? You'll have to listen to everything I say to ensure that you stay safe, okay?" she warned Elly. The girl gave a sharp nod and continued opening the door. They both stepped outside on the dirt path, both girls throwing a look at the garden patch that immediately reminded them of Reno. It only served as motivation, however.

"Okay, so which way do we go?" Elly asked, pointing to the fork in the road. Tifa bit her lip and looked off into the distance. Not too far away, was a large castle, hidden by clouds. Yuffie's castle no doubt. She nodded and looked down at Elly.

"This way, come on!" she stated, grabbing the girls hand and leading her down the path on the right.

For hours they walked together, hand in hand, talking and discussing a possible escape route for Reno, thankfully not being disturbed by anyone, when suddenly they realized they had reached the gate of the castle. A man in a dark red cloak stood in the way, arms crossed.

"Excuse me sir, we're here to...to discuss something with Yuffie, the White Witch of Wutai. Let us pass please…" Tifa asked politely, dropping her daughters hand to gesture to the castle up ahead. The man shook his head sharply and held out a hand.

"I am Vincent, the gate keeper. No one passes through here unless I say so." He stated firmly, returning his hand to cross his arms. Tifa sighed in frustration and Elly tugged on her shirt. The brunette bent down and turned to her daughter.

"What is it, Elly?" she whispered. The girl said nothing as she tapped Reno's sword. Tifa got the hint and stood back up, unsheathing the weapon from the holster it was in. Vincent, not amused, pulled out a smaller sword.

"I demand you let me and this little lady through, or I will be forced to inflict violence." Tifa warned. Vincent only clutched his weapon tighter.

"I do not fear your sword madam…if we must fight…then let's do it!" he yelled, swinging his sword at Tifa. She caught his advance and her sword clanged loudly against his. Suddenly a blue mist shot out of her sword, striking Tifa, Vincent and even Elly. All fighting ceased for a few moments as everyone looked around.

"Mommy, look at your tail!" Elly screamed in a fit of giggles pointing to Tifa. Confused, she looked down to see a black tail flickering and swishing around. She reached up to feel whiskers poking out of her cheeks and finally, the fuzzy ears on her head.

Tifa then looked at Elly, who had bunny ears, a twitching nose, and a poufy tail. Elly looked at herself and laughed even more.

"That blue mist that came from Daddy's sword did it!" Elly exclaimed. Tifa sighed and looked over at Vincent, who had transformed with features of a peacock. A huge amount of feathers fanned out from his back side and a spike of feathers crowned his head.

"What is this magic, woman!" Vincent demanded, his sword still pointed at the two. Elly cowered behind her mother as Tifa picked up the fallen sword.

"Wouldn't you like to know…and there's more where that came from if you don't let us by!" she replied. In all honesty, Tifa had no idea how to fix her and Elly, but she'd figure that out later. Right now, she was focused on getting her husband back. Vincent, held his hands up in defeat, dropping his sword to the ground. He turned on his heels and unlocked the gate for Elly and Tifa to enter.

"Beware the White Witch. You're sword is no match for her power." He sneered as they passed him. Elly turned around and stuck out her tongue before hopping away with her mother.

* * *

They walked through the maze of gardens, Tifa noticing the patch of tomatoes in the corner. Reno wouldn't really steal them would he? She always knew the redhead to be an honest man. Meanwhile she still had to figure out how to get rid of these cat-like traits! Reno wasn't kidding when he said the sword was magical.

Elly and Tifa continued through, looking over their shoulders occasionally, just in case something tried to jump either of them. Having cat ears gave Tifa an advantage when it came to hearing. She could hear every twig snap and every rustle of leaves.

Coming to a stop, the brunette groaned as they reached another fork in the path. This time, she had no clue where to go! She made it a point not to lurk around dark, scary castles.

"Oh Elly…what do we do? What do you think? They both lead to the castle…but…I don't know if one of them is a trap!" Tifa complained, gesturing to their newest obstacle. Elly looked at both carefully and shrugged, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Now we'll never find Daddy!" she wailed, rubbing her eyes as fresh tears fell down her face. Tifa fought her own tears and pull the girl to her in a tight hug.

"Stop crying! I hate crying!" a deep, but condescending voice called out of nowhere. Elly stopped crying and Tifa looked around. Suddenly, a man jumped out of a bundle of leaves. He had a dark cloak, long black hair, and a strange dot on his forehead.

"Wh-who are you?" Tifa asked, pulling the sword out again. The man's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"No no! I do not want to fight! I hate fighting!" he stated, approaching them. Elly's nose twitched as she hopped up to him. She stood on her tiptoes and poked the dot on his forehead.

"What's that?" she asked. Tifa quickly grabbed the girl and pulled her back, shooting an apologetic smile at the man.

"It's from my heritage. I'm Tseng…so why the crying?" he asked, furrowing his brows.

"We lost our Daddy in that castle and we're here to get him…but look, we don't know where to go!" she explained, pointing to the possible choices of travel. Tseng waved his hand and smiled.

"Just don't go that way, nobody ever goes that way." He explained, pointing to the left path. Tifa shifted her gaze to the right side path, a smile forming on her face. She replaced her sword and took Elly's hand.

"Thank you so much, sir!" she exclaimed as she began to walk down the path.

"Not a problem, madam! Good luck finding your husband in this dreadful place." Tseng stated, waiting until they left. He shook his head once more and shrugged.

"I have no idea why they went that way, when nobody really ever goes that way…" he muttered to him, pointing down the path that Tifa and Elly just took.

"It just leads to the dungeon!"

* * *

"That man was nice, right Mommy?" Elly asked, swinging her and her mother's hand. Tifa laughed and nodded.

"Yes he was, sweetie! Now we're closer to Daddy! I just hope he's alright…" she replied, a worried look on her face. They followed the path, which seemed to get darker and drearier, when they reached a large wooden door with a lock on it. Tifa stared at the lock for a while, pulling on it with no luck.

"Well…I guess we better find another way…This door won't budge. It looks like it leads to the dungeon though…" Tifa's voice trailed off as she turned in circles to see if there was an alternative route. Elly sniffed the entrance of the door and yelped in excitement.

"Daddy's in there! I can smell his cologne!"

"That's great, Elly! It's just…this door is locked…"

"Why don't you use the sword and cut through it?" Elly suggested, pointing once more to the sword. Tifa pulled it out hesitantly and stared into the shiny metal. It wasn't that she was afraid to use it, it was the question of what would it do to them this time if they did? She didn't want to be a cat anymore, but…what if it turned her into something else? Then again…it was for Reno!

"Alright, let's try it!" she replied, raising the sword in the air. It slammed down on the lock with a loud clank and the lock gave out, crumbling to the crowd in a heap of dust. The same blue mist shot out once more, knocking both Tifa and Elly off their feet.

"Dammit, that hurt!" Tifa yelled out standing to her feet once more. She felt a little strange, but noticed that the cat traits were gone. Her personality…was a different story.

"Mother, you sound like the milkman that curses all the time, you know, Cid." Elly stated in a polite tone. Tifa's brows furrowed at being called 'mother', but she assumed that her daughter now had taken the personality of Sephiroth, a Lord of the land they lived in.

"Whatever, the locks broke ain't it? Let's just get movin'." Tifa suggested, feeling guilty for the attitude that she was giving to Elly. She reminded herself to tell Reno to get rid of that sword later on. It was nothing but trouble!

* * *

"Ack, blagh, ugh!" Reno shouted loudly, throwing himself on the floor.

"Ugh, I'm dying!" he yelled out again, holding his hand against his forehead dramatically. Rude, the guard that stood watch at the redhead's cell, was not impressed. He raised an eyebrow and sighed in annoyance at Reno.

"That didn't work the last seventeen times you tried it, farmer….." he mumbled, those words being the most he had said to Reno the whole time he was down in the dungeon. Reno sighed and cracked an eye open, looking at the tall, broad shouldered guard.

"But…I'm really dead this time…"

"Then why are you talking…"

"Oh." Reno stated sheepishly. He groaned and rolled over on his side, wondering what his wife and daughter were thinking right now…Tifa was probably a wreck, and Elly? Damn, he didn't even want to think about how she'd take it. He had to get out of here!

* * *

"Reno…what the hell are you doin'?" Tifa whispered to herself as she and Elly watched Reno try to get himself out of trouble. Elly looked up at Tifa and smiled.

"I don't know, Mother, but it looks like he needs help…shall we?" the crimson haired girl suggested, peering around the corner to see Rude leaning against the wall. Tifa nodded and grabbed the sword holding it out as she approached the bald headed guard.

"I demand ya set this man here, free!" she called out, getting both Reno and Rude's attention. Reno stared wide eyed at his wife.

"Tifa? When did you start talking like that?" he asked, receiving a glare from Rude. Tifa mouthed that she would explain later and turned to Rude. Elly was not far behind Tifa when she spotted Reno.

"Father! Oh, I've missed you!" she exclaimed properly, running to the cell where Reno was being held captive, grasping his hands in hers. He smiled and interlocked their fingers and he looked up nervously at Tifa.

"Ya heard me, bald man! Let him go!"

"…And who might you be?" Rude asked, crossing his arms.

"I'm Tifa, his woman. He ain't done nothin'!"

"He was trying to steal my tomatoes!" a booming, but shrill voice was heard behind Tifa as she turned quickly to see the White Witch, Yuffie, sauntering down to the cell where Reno and Elly were.

"N-no I wasn't! I was trying to deliver some of my own tomatoes to you! You ordered them! I have the form, right here in my pocket!" Reno explained, jerking the form out and thrusting it into Elly's hand. Elly ran it over to the Witch, who scanned the document quickly before breaking into a fit of laughter.

"Oh! That's right…I was trying to compare my tomatoes to this tomato head here! Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she replied in between giggles, pointing to Reno and gesturing to his red hair. Reno's jaw dropped and he growled in frustration. Tifa noticed this and scowled at Yuffie.

"I did tell you…you just didn't listen…stupid bitch" Reno muttered inaudibly to himself.

"This ain't funny! He's my husband and I want him back!"

"Yes, and he's my father!" Elly screamed out. Yuffie place a finger to her lips and thought about the situation for a few moments before answering.

"Oh alright, I'll let him go. Send me a letter next time. I never know who is trying to overthrow me or steal my delicious plants!" she replied, snapping her fingers as indication for Rude to let Reno go. The bald guard unlocked the door and Reno stepped out, picking up Elly in his arms and pulling Tifa into a hug.

"Thank you so much. We'll be on our way. Hey listen next time!" Reno added as he led the two out the door that Tifa and Elly had come through.

Yuffie agreed that she would and Rude wished them a good journey, then Yuffie went back to evil planning while Rude followed her and took notes. Tifa, Reno and Elly made their way back to the gate. Elly was chattering away a mile a minute, about the journey they took to find him.

"..And that sword is magical Father!" she exclaimed, pointing to the sword that Tifa was still holding.

"I was wondering why she was speaking so proper and why you turned into a complete hick." Reno mused, receiving a light punch from the brunette.

"We can't help it, dammit! I don't even know how to change back!" she retorted. Reno laughed for a few moments and took the sword from Tifa.

"It's produces bad magic to those who don't own the sword. I have to be the one to change it back." He explained, his aqua eyes scanning across the design of the hilt. Tifa's jaw dropped and she scoffed.

"Why didn't ya tell me this shit earlier!" she yelled, causing Elly to laugh as well.

"Well…I didn't know I was going to be kidnapped by some stupid Witch!" he replied. Tifa shook her head and sighed.

"Just fix us! Please!"

"I dunno…you two are acting so funny like this!"

"Father, please!" Elly added. Reno stopped and held the sword, pointing it at Tifa first. A green mist shot out this time, causing the brunette to flinch. Tifa took a deep breath and looked at her husband.

"It worked! Now, do it to Elly!" Reno nodded and did the same action to Elly. Elly jumped around in happiness and jumped on Reno's shoulders. They walked the rest of the way home, discussing ways they could hide the magic sword to prevent any more strange happenings.

* * *

Later that evening, Elly was put to bed, whispers coming from her room as she told her teddy bear all that had happened to her that day. Tifa laughed softly and closed the door, making her way to her room, where Reno was lounging lazily on the bed.

"Long day, huh?"

"You can bet your ass it was." Reno replied, rubbing his neck. Tifa took over as she gave him a massage, taking a few breaks to kiss him tenderly on the lips. He smiled and turned to her, pulling her in his arms.

"Thanks for coming to save me babe. I was afraid I was a goner back there…" he whispered, burying his nose into Tifa's hair.

"Well…if you count the seventeen times you supposedly died…I'd say you already were a goner!" she teased, tickling his stomach a little.

"Aw man, you heard that?"

"Of course I did…and it was completely adorable!"

"Damn. Well that's embarrassing…I only did it as a last resort…"

"Mhmm, sure…Reno…it doesn't matter, your humor is what I love most!" she kissed him once more. Reno kissed her nose and wrapped a hand around her waist.

"You know what I love most?" he asked suggestively, raising an eyebrow at Tifa.

"I'm willing to find out…"

* * *

a/n: Ta Da! Finished, hope everyone enjoyed this!! If you can guess the two movies I used as a cameo in this fic…you get major brownie points!


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